Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it was like eating out sand paper
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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