If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
