She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
