may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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