You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
