Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
