got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
