Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
