Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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