i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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