I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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