i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
