I feel great
I just peed on a car
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if only i could text you this smell
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
