Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
