I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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