shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
