i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
handjob tips. give me some.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
