The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
