I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
