Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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