i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
