I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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