We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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