I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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