No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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