SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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