Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
