we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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