Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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