I just saw a hot homeless man
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
