you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
