i think i scared a bird with my dick
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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