90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
