I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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