it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
