Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
