remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
