Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
