ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
