you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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