My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
