between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
