cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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