This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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