I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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