Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think my fart just growled at me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
