I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
