My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
