maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My feet surprised me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
tell me about the fingering
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