Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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