and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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