Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
