a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
