Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
