That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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